I’ve been driving myself nuts over this whole independent writing recording thing for well over a year now, and I finally just sat myself down a couple days ago and weighed it and measured it, tailored it, took it for a spin, and got to know it some. Its a little better now.

Basically, I need to accept that these efforts to try and get my mythical shit together have made me a FAR better player than I was. I have a fledgling mindset as a more complete musician, and I can’t be frustrated that I have elements of my abilities that have between 20 and 30 years of learning behind them while other pieces have six or seven months. I need to accept the pace and not see my 40th birthday as the wall in turn three. I’m building something here, and I need to respect the process.

I need to do with this what I try to do with everything – accept the failures as lessons, not overstep my capabilities, and trust that things will fall into place.

I have a project coming up, and it will be a project much like every project I’ve ever been in, where I am Third Guy ™, and I can choose to contribute and care or I can play. We’ll see which it is when I get there, but it may be both. That should get me back into the cycle of playing again, which may foster all the stuff that I’ve been fighting against on my own for the last two years.

The truth of the matter is that I’m still a piece – I’m best contributing to a greater whole. I have 24 years of Third Guy under my belt – its a comfortable place that I need to be good with and accept along with my current desire to step up.

I can do this. I just need to start soaking in it again, and take each moment I get for what its worth.

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