The Quest For Balance, or Wargames For Beginners

It’s a good thing I don’t learn my lessons. The movie Wargames taught us all that we should simply not play at all when confronted with a game where the only properly played result is a conceptual stalemate. The only way anyone wins a game of tic tac toe is when someone makes a mistake.

It’s another thing altogether when what you seek is the tie, the balance, the stalemate.

The reason I am where I am – home without a band, debatably removed from the short-term lexicon of what could be considered ‘the scene’ in lieu of concentrating on family, job, bottom line, sanity, personal well-being, and all that – is because the band had started to win the game, and I had started to lose.

In the time I’ve been off I’ve been studying my situation and figuring out how to get back into the art, back into the machine if you will, while being the daddy I need to be, the husband I need to be, the employee I want to be, the friend I want to be.

Its that game of tic tac toe – it needs to end in a tie for me. Something in my skull needs me to be that musician, to be that performer. As much as being the Rockstar can take in time, it needs to give back in fulfillment, in sanity.

The compromises I need to make by being out and having my head in my art are less costly than how I’d be if I simply buried it and became Normal Person. I believe that, and luckily most of the people around me believe and understand that.

I’m just not ready to become a pedestrian.

So now I need to manipulate the scales. I’m trying as hard as I can to find ways to make my job and my craft parallel one another in the future. I need my outlet to be beneficial to elements of my life other than my mental health.

Answers? None. But at least I think I know the questions.

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