Back To It, Sorta..

One of the essential strategies of being a musician without a band (or, for that matter, a musician with a band) is the Local Schmooze. The art of see-and-be-seen. It’s true everywhere, and in a scene as oddly gossipy as this town can be it’s necessary to make an appearance now and then, whether returning a favor to a band that came to see you, or just being there to see where the grapevine is headed.

So, with two of my favorite bands on one bill last night (and a favorite solo artist opening) I saw a good opportunity to be in public and present myself as Free Agent. Enough of the down-low, it’s time to say it how it is.

Great night, despite a Mark cameo (he ignored me, which was actually funny). Reconnected with some good friends and good people, got some words of encouragement, a mild offer or two, and generally felt like part of the parade again. Good times.

I’m still a bit south of motivated, and a little short of energized, but I got a lot of good words from a lot of people that I respect, and dammit I needed some of that.

Oh, and the guys I’ve recruited for the new project have all gotten back to me this weekend and are still into it. Yay. I need to make CDs of the stuff I want them to soak in and get them out.

Still, a long way to go.

But…

That said, I’m still having a tough time with the world right now. I’m still hollowed out from being sick, a handful of friends are going through difficult times, and I still feel like my antenna isn’t picking up all the signals, or at least I’m not interpreting things right. There are several very important people in my life who I’m experiencing communication gaps with, and the bottom line is that I’m the common denominator, so it must be me.

I think I’m at a point I’ve been at in the past, where things start to lock down a little personally and I fight to retain the sense of Myself that becomes easier and easier to lose as I get older. And with the band going away and my being plowed by illness lately, I’ve been fighting tooth and nail to not just fall into the hole and go away. No one wants that of me, especially me.

So I’m obviously not functioning correctly – I’m not sure if my usual sense of humor isn’t ringing true or if I’m just off, but to anyone who isn’t connecting to me, I apologize. Believe me, it’s driving me nuts too. Just know I’m trying.

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