Don’t Pay The Ferryman

I’ve -almost- sufficiently recovered from my two month illness (the Inlaws-grade sinus infection that doesn’t go away and chain reacts into other problems along the way – you know the one) to
finally get out and interact with the scene again. That’s the good news.

The bad news is that all this band crap is relatively public now, which means there are massive divorce-like dynamics going on. Everyone wants my side of things, certain people can’t grasp that the split is amicable, and because the band is a larger entity than I am people are standing back and waiting to see what happens.

The result is that I find myself on an island of sorts. Although, this is Colorado, so perhaps alone on the peak of a fourteener would be a more apt analogy. Nonetheless, I’m in a position where if I want anything or anyone I need to bring it to me or bring me to it – people and things aren’t coming to me of their own volition at the moment. If I can’t be proactive about something it simply won’t happen.

Being run-down and unfit for public appearance on and off for eight weeks has compounded the problem. The guys I’ve recruited for my project haven’t heard much from me, the other guys in the band haven’t been compelled to actively evaluate their own situations, so in effect I’m exactly where I was eight weeks ago musically. Which isn’t necessarily bad, but leaves me with a lot of work to do.

This has had a personal toll too – I’ve been out of sight out of mind for a lot of my friends, many of whom are band fans who don’t want to pick sides and don’t quite understand that there’s no need to.
Nonetheless, people are staying back until something happens. The girls have seen a lot more of me than usual in the last few months, but there hasn’t been much of me to see, and I’ve been pretty useless around the house. Work has been trying to kill me with overtime and massive runs lately. Yet, somehow, RSW has been great as always.

When I decided to leave the band I came to terms with all of the worst case scenarios except for one. I can handle not being in the spotlight, not playing for the big crowds, not playing out at all. But I don’t want to lose my friends, my people. It’s always a challenge to take the discovery risk when it comes to friends – I found out who my true friends were when I left DC 12 years ago, and this may be one of those all-in times where I find who cares more about the bass player in the band than the person. I’m prepared, but I’m not ready.

So, I’m on my island. Maggie as ‘Tattoo’, I guess. Same height, same basic complexion, same skillful execution of the english language. and here ends all comparisons between my daughter and Herve Villechaize. I try to visit the mainland as much as I can, but it would mean a lot if someone(s) came to me once in a while. I only have so much energy and effort right now.

Lastly, a shout-out to MJ. Keeping the analytical shit to myself, be well.